Dear Elon Musk,
I know you probably won’t read this. I’m an unimportant writer with a blog you’ve never heard of. But words are more valuable than the author. Since the words in this letter are important, I hope God makes a way for you to read and consider them. I also hope that it helps other fathers and their children.
You and I have one thing in common: we’re both Africans. But there is something more important—more impactful—that I have in common with your children: absent fathers.
After the news about his death, I saw a video of 78-year-old Gene Hackman talking about his absent father. He was talking about how his father abandoned him at 13 years old. Even after 65 years, he was fighting back tears, choked up, and too overcome by pain to complete his sentences.
I’m embarrassed to say this, but that video made me cry a lot.
I was holding my 2-month-old son when I watched the video. His name is Samson. He’s named after Samson in the Bible, but he’s also named after me. I say it’s the ultimate dad joke: “Sam’s son.” But it’s mostly because I’m happy that I’m his father. I’m proud to say he’s my son.
My father isn’t proud to say I’m his son. I know that because he’s never said a word to me. He abandoned me and my mom in Ghana before I was born. He’s been hiding from us ever since. I don’t know if he’s alive or dead.
Soon after watching the video, I saw on X that you recently welcomed your 14th child, which made me think about Ashley St. Clair’s claim that you “can’t be counted on to even communicate, much less act consistently in the role of a father” and your ex-wife’s claim that you are not present in your children’s lives. That is what prompted me to write this public letter.
Mr. Musk, you have so much influence. Other than Donald Trump, you are probably the most influential person in the world. You have an extraordinary impact on technology, politics, and culture. But the most important influence you’ll ever have is in the lives of your 14 children. If you fail at that, you’ve failed to make the world a better place.
You want to help the world by having as many children as possible. But it’s not just more people that the world needs, it’s more good people—and that starts with good fathers.
If you’re not helping your children, you’re not helping the world. You won’t make America great again if you’re not a great father. And being a great father is more than just giving them money.
You can give your children billions of dollars, but the best gift you can give them is yourself. You can give your children everything, but If you’re not there to enjoy it with them, they’ll have less than the poorest children with loving, present fathers.
When I was 5 years old I received a little toy car for Christmas. I don’t remember the other gifts I received as a child in Ghana, except that toy. That is because I believed that the gift was from my father.
I was wrong. I received that gift around the time I realized that I was different from other children. Unlike the other children in my neighbourhood, I didn’t live with or know my father. So I must have turned my hope into a belief.
I said to other children in the neighbourhood that since my father sent that toy to me, it meant he would return to me. I played with that toy for probably several weeks.
I think I stopped playing with it when I realized it wasn’t from my father and he wasn’t coming back to me.
You see, it wasn’t the toy that I wanted. It was him—I needed him.
Mr. Musk, what your children want most is something money can’t buy. They want you.
Sometimes I wonder if my father thinks about me as often as I think about him. The truth is, I think about him more now than I did when I was a little boy. That is maybe what saddened me most about the Gene Hackman video.
He was still aching 65 years after his father abandoned him. I asked myself, does that mean I will occasionally cry about my father when I am an old man? Lord willing, when my sons become fathers to their children, will I be more hurt by my father than I am now?
I have so many insecurities as a father, a husband, and a man. And it’s because I don’t know my dad and he doesn’t know me. Because of my absent father, there is a part of me that is missing—a part of me that I don’t know or understand.
My mom is my hero; she is everything to me and more. But fathers understand their sons in ways no one else can. This means fathers have more influence on their sons than anyone else. That influence isn’t lessened when the father is absent. Absent fathers are just as influential to their children as faithful fathers. Absent fathers harm their children just as much as faithful fathers help their children.
Because of my father, I didn’t trust God. It was difficult for me to call God my father. If my dad didn’t want to be my father, why would God want to be mine?
If I could be so candid, have you considered that maybe woke people online aren’t the main reason why your son identifies as transgender? Have you considered that maybe the reason why he identifies as a woman is because the most influential man in his life has let him down? Absent fathers are the biggest predictor of transgender children.
Yet, it’s not too late. After all these years, if my father were to reach out to me, I would gladly forgive him and pursue a relationship with him. If it’s not too late for me and my father, it’s not too late for you and your children.
I didn’t think I would shed more tears about my father as an adult than I did as a child. But as the Gene Hackman video shows, the older a person gets, the more ever-present the pain of absent fathers becomes.
So Mr. Musk, your most important title isn’t that you are the CEO of Tesla and SpaceX, the executive chairman of X, or a senior advisor to President Donald Trump. Your most important title is that you are the father of 14 children. They are your most important responsibility; they are your most important legacy.
They need you more than the world does.
Sincerely,
Samuel Sey