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My Pen Doesn’t Pick Up My Stammer

My Pen Doesn’t Pick Up My Stammer

My pen doesn’t pick up my stammer. It doesn’t capture my fears in a volume. It isn’t held by shaking, sweaty hands. It doesn’t stand between me and the crowd. It’s designed for my hands, not my lips. It’s designed for my mind, not my mouth. It’s easier, it’s simpler. It doesn’t add my voice to my words. It doesn’t pick up my slurred speech. My pen isn’t a microphone.

My pen prints all my thoughts without interruption, without my stammering. My pen prints difficult words without pause, without hesitation. My pen doesn’t pick up my poor enunciation. My pen isn’t a microphone.

Blogging isn’t like public speaking.

I recently delivered a speech about my work with the Canadian Centre for Bio-ethical Reform. And halfway into the speech, my tongue felt it was beginning to swell. My lips felt like they were stitched together. I started to speak too fast. Then I stammered on my words. I slurred on my words. I avoided the three-syllable words I feared to enunciate. I needed to pause, breathe, and continue. But I was embarrassed. I didn’t want the audience see me like that.

I’m striving to become a better [public] speaker. It’s one of my roles at Canadian Centre for Bio-ethical Reform, after all. I commit several hours during the week to train myself to improve as a public speaker. However, it’s not difficult to draft a speech; it’s harder to deliver it. I’m not afraid of my pen. I’m afraid of the microphone.

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I am reading several books and performing several assignments to improve my speech. I am doing what I used to do several years ago to improve my writing. I used to be afraid of my pen. I couldn’t move my pen on paper the way I wanted to. I couldn’t write as clearly as I wanted to. I believed that I was a horrible writer who could never become a more consistent blogger. But I worked hard to improve. My pen doesn’t make me nervous anymore.

And if I keep working hard to improve my speech, maybe the microphone won’t make me nervous anymore too.

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